Placebo
by Twicenumbed
Summary: Murdoc has just turned the grand age of 42 and he's not very happy about it. He sits in his Winnebago and remembers back when the band was together. Things have changed since then. Murdoc/2D


Scuffed Cuban Heels were thrown carelessly onto the crowded floor. A think haze hung in the air of the Winnebago. Murdoc had sprawled onto his bed and was smoking yet another cigarette. He was debating if it was time to break out the drinks he had saved for this 'special' day. A swirl of smoke dissolved into the cloud above him. Cortez ruffled his feathers a bit and made a small noise. Tired eyes looked over at the bird. It bobbed it's head slightly and stared at him. The man scoffed. "Dun yew know, Cortez? 'S my bloody birthday. So let me celebrate, yeah?" He merely turned and flew off to the front of the 'bago.

_Look at yourself, Muds. Forty-fucking-two years, and these last few have been nothing. The band's gone. He's gone. And you're stuck here, dealing with letting the fans know your sorry ass is still alive. _The cigarette started burning at its filter and he stubbed it out in the overflowing ashtray. He didn't reach for another one, he just laid there staring blankly at the many pine tree air fresheners.

A cheerful note chimed through the quiet. Murdoc waited a bit, wondering if it was worth it, then rolled over and grabbed the cell phone on his nightstand. Flipping it open he read the message. "Hey, Murdoc. Just wanted to say happy birthday, don't be too down about it." It was from 2D. _Yep, time for alcohol._

_--_

2D brushed the hair out of his eyes and smiled. They had just started sales on their first album and much more copies were being bought than they had expected. Things had been going swimmingly, save for one thing. Currently that one thing was prancing around the house looking like he had just won the lottery. He was still just a little kid at heart. Murdoc nibbled at his bottom lip slightly. His brain couldn't quite figure out what was going on.

Since their last fight he had given 2D a gloriously bruised cheek and he remembered how his nose trickled the dark red blood over his pale face. He remembered the look in the singer's eyes as he slunk away to down some pills. He remembered that strange sick feeling bubbling in his stomach. That hadn't happened before. If 2D deserved to be hit he would be, and there would be no second thoughts. But somehow it made him feel slightly.. hollow. He didn't think anything of it at first, it was just an odd feeling he tried to shove into the back of his brain.

However that was indeed the start of a long fall downward to a place he never thought he'd be. Lately he had found himself feeling much more alone in his Winnebago. During practices he caught himself staring at the pretty boy singer more and more often. As he become prone to looking over at him he also found that 2D did an awful lot of staring as well. It was a common fact that the boy idolized Murdoc, for reasons that were beyond him, but it was a bit odd for him to be glancing toward the bassist.

"It's the best innit, Muds? We're gunna be rock stars, big ones!" The blue haired boy bounced slightly in front of him a toothy grin spread from ear to ear. When Murdoc returned the smile he was wrapped in long arms. At first he was going to shove him off and then he discovered his body wasn't doing what his brain was telling it to. 2D smelled like butterscotch and was surprisingly warm. And that's when it clicked. His body became ridged and he couldn't move. It was 2D, that twit, that _boy_. It was him. Murdoc was falling for him. It made sense now. It had been happening for a long while. It couldn't be happening, it _shouldn't_ be happening. But it _was_ happening, and it scared the Hell out of him.

--

The bassist tossed the phone across the floor and ambled out of bed. He stepped over the piles of clothing and rubbish that littered the 'bago floor. Reaching the small refrigerator he pulled out a large bottle of unmarked liquid. The concoction was a 'gift' of sorts. He had picked it up especially for this day. The guy said it was basically a mixture of vodka and cannabis leaves. Should be worthy of such an occasion. _Forty-two is a rather large number. Especially considering how much time you spent fucking the years up, you old sodder. _He brought the bottle to the kitchen table. Cortez came by and landed on the table, making himself comfortable across from the bassist. Reaching over he retrieved a dirty shot glass that had been discarded on the floor. The man blew excess 'dust' from the glass and poured the liquid into it. His face twisted a bit as he found the fluid was a dark green colour. He shook his head slightly then downed the shot.

--

The bassist shifted uncomfortably in the hotel bed. A soft sigh came from the male sleeping lightly beside him. One would think that in being rock stars they would each get their own rooms when traveling, however, Russel had another idea. He said that only Noodle needed her own room, as for the rest of them they'd be fine in a two bedroom suite. 2D refused to sleep on the couch so he made himself at home in Murdoc's bed.

He glanced over his shoulder at Stu. His blue hair was ruffled over his face. The soft light from the city outside slightly illuminated him, making him look almost angelic. It made Murdoc want to smooth the locks and gently kiss him. His stomach churned. He wanted to kiss another man. Somehow he couldn't figure out why his thoughts were betraying him in such a sickening way.

Groaning quietly he rolled onto his stomach. 2D's face contorted a bit and his eyes slowly opened. His distress must have been evident because the boy frowned at him. Almost hesitantly he reached over to the bassist and gently ran his fingers through his bangs. "Try ta sleep, Muds. We 'ave a show tomorrow." His voice was soft and almost musical, different from his normal speaking voice. It was calming, to say the least. The gentle touch left as Stu curled into a ball and drifted back to sleep.

Murdoc was again alone, left with that disgusting feeling inside him. Boys weren't supposed to like other boys. It's not right. It's not natural. It's something that shouldn't happen, at least not to him. He made to scoot closer to 2D but stopped himself. Turning his back to him he realized what the creeping feeling in his gut was. It was something he had only felt once or twice in his life. It was shame.

--

The soft light caught on ebony feathers as Cortez lowered his head. It's pitch black eyes looked up at the man before him. He scrunched his face a bit at the taste of the drink. Sighting through his nose he leaned his head against the wall. _Here you are. Alone. Hung up from the music business. Kong for sale. Bass retired. Never thought that'd happen did you, Muds? Never thought this band would backfire after so long… _For a moment he almost considered texting 2D back. However his thoughts dissipated as he shook his head and poured another shot.

--

The bluehaired man let out a pitiful cry as he was thrown to the floor. "I said stop lookin' at me like that!" Murdoc clenched his fists and looked down at him. "Yew know I 'ate it when you look at me like 'at." He sat up and rubbed his shoulder, looking at the floor. Then he looked up and fixed him with the same face; the one that screamed everything the bassist didn't want to admit. It said 'why can't you see this? Why can't you ever hear me? Why don't you notice?' A horribly pained expression, full of inner hurt and a strange yearning.

"You can't look at me like that. You can't." He kicked his ribcage, once again sending him flat against the floor. Bending down he grabbed the man by the collar and brought him close to his face. "We're not gunna do this, Stu." The singer had kept his eyes closed but slowly opened them and stared right into Murdoc's.

"Please," barely a whisper. Suddenly a wave of emotions swept through the older male. First was the overwhelming urge to just pin the boy to the floor and do him then and there. Then there was regret, hate, uncertainty, and it was all he could do to just stay still. Letting go of his shirt he stood and walked away, expressionless.

--

"'E still owes me 'is soul, yew know." He pointed an untrimmed finger at the bird. "I'll get it." _Haven't you already taken enough of him?_ A hollow laugh filled the Winnebago. Cortez took a step back and cocked his head at the man. "Wot? Neva 'eard a bloody laugh?" Mumbling under his breath he looked around the trailer. Everything seemed faded, everything worn old, worn down. There were holes in the seats and wall from throwing knives at things. If the band was still together he'd just get some things fixed up. _But we're not together, are we?_

_--_

The singer's face turned deep red and twisted in anger. "You always got ta ruin everyfing! All I eva try to do is jus' be nice ta ya an you neva really understand, do ya Muds? No matta 'ow much I try ta make you hear me. Yer so damn deaf!" He made to punch the other man but was stopped when Murdoc shoved him against the wall.

When he hit the wall his back and head hit hard, making him hiss with pain. However he still bared his teeth, or rather, what teeth he had left. Murdoc continued to slam the younger male against the wall until he lost his anger and only cried out in pain. Now 2D just had a look of defeat and hung his head, deciding that he had lost. Then the bassist grabbed his chin and forced his face to be level with his. He held him there for a moment then closed the distance between them.

It was a bruising kiss but neither made to move from that position. Murdoc slithered his tongue into the younger man's mouth. The taller male was having an inner battle, he wanted desperately kiss back but he was angry, hurt, and very confused. Then the bassist ground his hips against 2D's and his mind made the decision to kiss back.

--

"An dew yew know wot 'e said ta me? 'E said, heheh 'e said 'yew can't do 'is, Muds.'" He did a high pitch whiney impression of 2D and laughed at himself. Cortez just stared back at him. Slowly his laughter faded into a bitter chuckle. "I jus' told 'im I could. Neva thought 'bout it." Giving a curt laugh he filled his shot glass again. "'Is is good stuff, Cortezzzz. Gets yew nice an' hammered." Again the darkened alcohol slid down his throat.

--

Lips crashed together as they shut the door to 2D's room. They would be leaving for the U.S. tour tomorrow. Tonight was for them. Today had hurt, sometimes your old life had a way of shoving its self at you. Murdoc did break every now and then, the past that had been nipping at his heels finally got in a good bite. Most of the time he rode out the episodes in his beloved trailer with a nice bottle of vodka. Now he just went to 2D.

Slender fingers wound into the bassist's hair as they tried to get as close together as possible. This boy was the answer now. He could fix whatever was hurting him. He made things slow down. He made them better. Murdoc led them to the bed and descended onto it. 2D gently climbed over the bassist and gave him a lasting kiss before getting up. "Stuart. Please." His voice was weak and he sounded terribly alone.

The singer returned shortly and got back onto the bed. He whispered "I'm here," in the voice he only used for these nights. It was the voice for just him to hear. They kissed again and slowly 2D's hand lowered. Slipping into Murdoc's pants he caressed the growing arousal there. "I'm here."

--

"Bloody bugger." He shook his head in an attempt to scatter his thoughts. Letting out a hiss of air he ran his free hand over his face. Things weren't going as planned. The drink was supposed to ease this, not bring the memories back. He snatched up the bottle and waltzed over to his bed. Sinking down into the softened mattress the bassist pushed the soiled sheets away from him.

Cortez drifted down onto his bass. The bird perched quietly on the pegs and looked over at the man. Out of the corner of his eye he could see the bird and bass. "Thinkin' I should play 'ere, 'ey?" There was no response from the animal but Murdoc none the less got up and brought the instrument back to the bed. He propped himself up against the wall and almost lovingly ran his fingers over the old guitar.

Gently he pressed down the strings and strummed. A smile spread across his face and the notes filled the silence. He started playing random bits of songs and after a swig from the bottle the man ended up just playing around. Deep chords rang from the bass as he continued to strum.

--

Waves of pleasure coursed through the singer's body as Murdoc continuously hit his prostate. Nearly musical moans escaped his mouth. His light voice was joined by the bassist's gruff one as they created their own soundtrack. Nails dug into 2D's hips while he grabbed at the bed sheets. As the pace started to quicken the azure haired man whimpered, "please, Muds."

Reaching around Murdoc grabbed hold of 2D's member and matched his thrusts. The volume escalated and in the back of his mind the bassist hoped they couldn't be heard by the other band members. Below him he could hear the boy's breath begin to hitch. Looking down he saw 2D trying to keep his eyes open, but it was becoming increasingly harder.

They locked eyes and refused to break. Murdoc took a hand off the singers hip and ran it through his hair. With a shudder 2D was forced to close his eyes. Hot semen ran over the bassist's fingers. Then with a few more thrusts he was there himself, tugging slightly at the younger man's hair. Each caught their breath as Murdoc slowly separated them.

After tossing the condom in the trash he returned to 2D's bed. The singer had moved to the head and was just finishing cleaning his stomach. As Murdoc got settled slender arms rapped around him. He had thought it annoying at first but over time he had allowed himself to be embraced after sex. The lamp made a small click as it was turned off. There was a small sigh from the singer and then he was asleep.

Almost tentatively he reached up and ran his hand through 2D's hair. He kept petting him until he reached a half sleep when he rested his hand on his slender midsection. Sometime in between half sleep and actual sleep he whispered 'my sweet prince.'

--

A ghost of a smile traced onto the bassist's face. He hit a lower note on his guitar and closed his eyes as it reverberated in his chest. As he plucked out the bass line for _Tomorrow Comes Today_ and his mind replayed 2D's voice. 'I don't think I'll be here too long. I don't think I'll be here too long…'

_That's what he used to think. Maybe he thought he'd just die from pain one day. He probably thought I'd be the one to do it._ He lowered the bass and rested it in his lap. Taking another swig from the bottle he proceeded to stare off into space, finally allowing the memories to take him over.

_There was a loud crack as Murdoc's fist came crashing into 2D's shoulder. He growled for his to stop moving but the singer just shook his head and weaved around the room. The singer had already been caught along the cheek and he had hit his lower leg when he rushed around the couch. Now they stared each other down from opposite sides of the sofa. _

"_Git ova here you sodding dullard." Again 2D gave his usual speech about how he can't keep doing this, that it's hurting him, that he needs to stop. And like usual he ignored every word. He jumped onto the couch and managed to swing his arm into the other's side. It hit him in such a way that it winded him and as he tried to recover from the odd feeling he was clocked on the side of his head, sending him wheeling. _

_Murdoc looked like he still had a few good swing left and the taller man just couldn't deal. Tears spilled from blackened eyes and the bassist held his ground. Holding his side he looked over at the other male. He shook his head. "You won't stop, will you?" _

_A cocky laugh. "Yew bloody deserve it. If yer goin' to be so damn stupid."_

"_Just stop!" His eyes fell and there was a choked sob. "I can't do this, Muds, I really can't do this." He looked up at him again. "You know, at first, I fought 'okay, I can deal with this.' But no, you jus' hit harder and 'arder. And then I'd fink "he'll stop in time. 'E loves me, right?'" A bitter laugh escaped his trembling lips._

"_Wrong again. There wasn't love. It was jus' a stupid little game I guess. Yew know, shag the dullard then kick his arse. Pretty fun, 'ey Murdoc? No. I'm sorry, but I jus' can't play anymore. Noodle's gone. Russ is gone. And all I have is us, but you keep fucking it up, you know 'at?" His body shivered and he paused a moment to wipe his face. Then he looked Murdoc straight in the eyes._

"_This can't keep happening. This won't keep 'appening. Have fun here at Kong all by your lonesome 'cause I'm gone." He walked to the door and all Murdoc could do was stare as he left. Pausing slightly in the doorway he spoke very softly. "I loved you.." Then he disappeared. The bassist was so angry that he resorted to pouring his rage onto the furniture._

_And he didn't come back. Nope, never even called. It's been.. Satan knows how long. Years. He picks now, of all the bloody days, to say something to me. You brought this on yourself. Never thought he'd really leave. Just kept pushing my luck. 'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times' heh. _

_My sweet prince. That's what he was. Just a fairy tale, something that never really come true. Look around you, it's all the proof you need. 42, alone, in a rundown trailer, no band, no lover, alone, and 42. _A melancholy chuckle escaped his lips and he covered his face with his hand. Falling back onto the bed he clutched his bass and willed sleep to come.

_They were in the 'bago together, just like old times. It's before the band. Just the two of them, back to back, writing music. The taller male turns around and rests his head on the bassist's shoulder. Butterscotch and cigarettes, the wonderful smell of 2D. "'M tired, Murdoc."_

"_So go to bed."_

"_Come with me." He looks over and smiles. Nights were no longer something to fear. The demons were kept at bay when they were together. All the pain washed away. He reaches over and runs his hand along the singer's cheek. My sweet prince, only there in dreams._

--

My Sweet Prince- Placebo youtube. com/watch?v3NME1Iu79U

Never thought you'd make me perspire. / Never thought I'd do you the same. / Never thought I'd fill with desire. / Never thought I'd feel so ashamed.

Me and the dragon can chase all the pain away. / So before I end my day, remember.. / My sweet prince, you are the one. / My sweet prince. / You are the one

Never thought I'd have to retire / Never thought I'd have to abstain / Never thought all this could back fire / Close up the hole in my vain

Me and my valuable friend / Can fix all the pain away / So before I end my day / Remember / My sweet prince / You are the one / My sweet prince / You are the one / You are the one / You are the one / You are the one / You are the one

Never thought I'd get any higher / Never thought you'd fuck with my brain / Never thought all this could expire / Never thought you'd go break the chain

Me and you baby, / Still flush all the pain away / So before I end my day / Remember / My sweet prince / You are the one / My sweet prince / You are the one / You are the one / You are the one / You are the one / You are the one / You are the one / You are the one / You are the one / You are the one / My sweet prince / My sweet prince

Murdoc turned 42 yesterday. If you go to the Hell Hole in Kong he floats out of it and says "I want your souls." -sigh- Yeah... I really should be working on Learning to Breathe...


End file.
